New Directions

I restarted my personal blog today, leaving behind Bedlam and moving in an entirely new direction.  To anyone who still receives updates from this page, if you previously enjoyed reading  Bedlam or THA, feel free to join me at Not Your Traditional Man Cave.  I hope to see you around the web!   

It was the Creepiest Children's Book I've EVER Read

It was the creepiest children’s book I’ve ever read.  Ada brought to me “Love You Forever” by Robert Munsch, and asked me to read it to her last night.  It started out well enough.  A young mom rocked her infant son in her arms while telling him, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”   The phrasing was a little awkward, but the sentiment was fine.

At age two the boy was a little terror, pulling books off of shelves and flushing his mother’s watch down the toilet.  I thought, “Yeah, I get it.  I’ve blogged about stuff like that.”  The still young mom snuck into her son’s room and held him while he was sleeping, rocking him in her lap while repeating, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.” 

Fast-forward seven years.  The boy was nine years old, and she was still creeping into his room to hold her sleeping son.  And then again at age 15.  I thought, “This is getting a little strange.”  This lady was on her hands and knees, creeping into her teenage son’s bedroom to hold him while he was sleeping.  The smell alone would keep most parents out of their teenaged son’s bedroom.     

Turn the page, and the boy was a young man moving into a home of his own.  The middle-aged mom was now driving across town in the dark, a ladder strapped to the roof of her car, so that she could sneak into her adult son’s bedroom, sit on the bed, pickup her sleeping adult son and rock him in her arms while reciting, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”   

I thought, “Cut the apron strings, lady.”  This was more than a little weird.  This guy must have been hitting the bottle pretty hard to be sleeping through his mother’s B & E and never waking-up while she held him.  The old broad must have been seriously strong, too, as her son was twice her size!   If I were him, I’d have a taste-tester check my breakfast cereal in the morning.  The old gal was one syringe away from Munchausen Syndrome by proxy.

The story continued to show the elderly mother calling her son for a visit because she was quite ill.  The adult son went to his mother, held her in his lap while rocking in a rocking chair, and recited back the poem his mother told him.  Then he went home, went into his sleeping infant daughter’s room, and rocked her in his arms, telling her the very same words that he had just spoken to his mother.  

I’m hoping this guy got therapy, and soon, or his adult daughter will be calling the cops because some old creepy guy on a ladder will be trying to break into her room at night to hold her and recite poetry while she sleeps.   This is why we still need the second amendment. 

As I finished the book, Ada squealed, “Go back to the page about the toilet.  That was funny!”   

Whew! 

No damage done.

Tonight, I’m burning my first book.

I Wish There Was a Little Warning

These are the days that test my soul.

These are the days that age me a week in an hour. They make me feel old.

These are the days where I question what it is I am doing each day, and the effectiveness of my efforts. It is April 23rd, and we are 122 lessons into the math year. There are only eight lessons and two tests remaining before my daughter’s first grade math year is completed. Today, my daughter still cannot remember that any number minus zero is that number. Friday, she could. Today, she cannot mentally add or subtract by one. Friday, she could. Today, she is guessing at everything.

It doesn’t help that she’s easily distracted. I just gave her a number line because she needed to add “0+9” and that completely baffled her. I told her to put her finger on “zero” and count nine numbers to the right. She got lost somewhere around three. Frequently, she forgets to stop counting at the number she’s adding. In the course of the past few minutes, 0+9 has equaled 14, 16, 11, and 12.

I started to write “29-10” on a small, hand-held, dry erase board, and before I finished writing she asked if we could write on the other side of the board. Why? Because the idea passed across her mind, and anything that passes across her mind must also pass between her lips.

It’s a rule.

That makes attending church a real gamble.

She also decided that she had to color in the circle portion of the numbers 6, 8, and 9. Since her coloring skills aren’t that well developed, she’s obliterated every number she has attempted to color.

We’re doing a lot of rewriting.

Just shoot me now.

In the course of this prolonged math assignment, I gave her a bag of interlocking counting blocks. The girl started correctly counting blocks, snapping them together, and completing math equations.

Who knew?

I wish my children came with a sign that gave me a hint of what’s in store for the day. I’d like a warning that my middle child is going to drag his feet about starting even the simplest of assignments, and that my day will be filled with embarrassingly flimsy excuses, such as, “Oh, I didn’t know if you wanted me to open my plan book.” That’s why it took an hour to start a cursive writing assignment. I’d like advanced warning that the key to completing the day’s math lesson will be allowing my daughter to count mini marshmallows, even if that means I have to run to the store to buy them. A hormonal-meter on my teenage son would be helpful, too. It would be nice to see a little red needle pointing to “Irrational and Grouchy” when he climbs out of bed so I won’t bother to insult him with unwelcomed pleasantries such as “hello” or “good morning.”

'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

I’ve been homeschooling long enough to know that there are days like this.

I just wish they came with a little warning.

Linda Can Still Pull My Strings

She does this to me because my friend knows that there are some stories I absolutely cannot let pass by without comment once I’ve finished banging my head against the kitchen table.

Linda sent me a link to a Fox News Insider article about a classroom teacher who made her fourth grade students become pen pals with a then accused (and now convicted) rapist who is serving a fifty year sentence for molesting a girl under the age of fourteen.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Fourth grade students are 10-11 years old. Their innocence concerning the depth of human depravity has been shattered by one of the adults they should be able to trust: their teacher.

This didn’t happen in a public school. It happened in Houston, Texas’ Trinity Lutheran School, a Missouri Synod Church school. It happened without the knowledge of or consent of the parents of these students or the school principal.

It just shows that private schools are not always the best resort when one is dissatisfied with their local public school system.

These children wrote letters that included their “full names, [a] description of their appearance, and their favorite things to do.” If there is one thing that child molesters are good at, it is grooming a potential victim by gaining access to them. The odds are that the creep in question will never again walk the streets of Houston as a free man, but nonetheless it is stunning that access to children by a child molester was facilitated by a teacher in a Christian school!

When man falls from Grace, he really falls from Grace.

It will take a lot of alcohol to erase the image of what this cretin might have done with those letters while alone in his cell. Luckily, the letters were discovered and removed from his possession. Parents have been notified. The teacher has been fired, and the principal placed on a paid leave of absence.

So, hug your children a little tighter when you put them to bed tonight, and take comfort in the knowledge that your choice to homeschool your children is the best defense against the stupid, thoughtless, and dangerous people who slip through the system and gain employment in our nation’s schools.

I’m off to find some Excedrin.

I have a headache.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

Sometimes life has a way of getting in the way of doing what you love. Though I LOVE to write, and have experienced a great deal of satisfaction from writing for this blog, trying to juggle full-time employment and homeschooling a 2nd grader has made it impossible for me to find the time to write. My own lack of time, combined with Arby's desire to get back to "family blogging" has brought us to the decision to discontinue our collaboration on this blog. The blog will not "go away"...there are articles here that I hope people will continue to stumble on and enjoy. But there won't be any new posts for the foreseeable future!

I hope to return to it again someday.

Arby and I have greatly enjoyed our blogging partnership over the last couple of years. For me, the best possible outcome of two years of blogging with Arby is the friendship that has been forged between our two families! It's been a joy to share this blog with him and to get to know him better. He's a man of great humor, and even greater character.

Thanks, Arby for being the best blogging partner that anyone could ever ask for! Hope to see you and The Boss again one of these days! There's a Portillo's Italian Beef here with your name on it!

Blog Contest Winner

Congratulations to Jill Schwarz!  Jill is the first (only, and last) winner of a blog contest here at The HomeSchool Apologist.

Jill, send me an email so that I can forward your email address to Lakeshore Learning.  They will send you a link for a free download from their online catalogue.

I hope you enjoy your selection.

A CONTEST! (after a brief product review)

Captain Chaos’s new favorite math activity is making a talking pig say, “Oops, try again!”  She giggles, and then tries again.  Who can blame her?  The pig is funny.  It’s a character found in a math game on the Lakeshore Learning Material’s computer based Interactive Calendar Math program. 

I was recently contacted by Lakeshore Learning and offered the opportunity to review any educational software title in their catalogue in exchange for a review on this blog. Normally, offers such as these go straight into my virtual trashcan.  In 4 ½ years of blogging, this is the first such offer I have accepted.   I did so because we need to shake up our homeschool curriculum.   We need variety in how we present concepts.  We need presentations that area good fit for Captain Chaos.  The girl simply cannot sit and write out an endless series of workbooks and worksheets as found in our A Beka and Saxon math curriculum.  We are turning our attention more often towards computer based learning.  That’s where Lakeshore Learning Materials enters the equation.  (I slipped-in that math reference for The Boss)

Interactive Calendar Math is a program for the first and second grades that teaches calendar concepts on a customizable classroom calendar, allows students to practice counting money as they drop coins into a talking piggy bank, practice skip counting with an interactive hundreds chart, and even write and solve their own math equations. There are also daily math problems for children to complete.   Each section is brightly colored, easy to read, easy to use, and has a button so students can check their answers. The skip counting page is customizable to your child’s favorite color. 

The first thing my kids did when they discovered the perpetual calendar was to check the days for their birthday this year, next year, and each year forward until they collect social security.   Well, okay, it really stops at 2030, but if you’re still homeschooling first graders in 2030, you have bigger concerns than running out of virtual calendar space.   By far their greatest discovery was the money counting page, where they must drag and drop coins into a talking piggy bank to equal a predetermined value up to $2.00.  If they get the correct combination of coins, Wilbur rewards them with a hearty “great job!”   If they miss, they are treated to an “ooo” face reminiscent of Gary Larson as the pig says, “Oops, try again!”  For some reason, neither my first nor fourth grader can manage to get a single money question correct.  But they have loads of fun!

We are still exploring this program’s uses, but I like the skip counting page.  By selecting any one number between 1 and 10, the 100 number chart can be highlighted to show counting by 2’s, 3’s, 4’s, 5’s, etc.   The page is colorful, and I can have this handy visual aid on a laptop on the kitchen table, which saves me from the trouble of decorating my kitchen in an early American classroom theme.    Educational posters clash with my cast iron collection. 

There are two flaws in the program.  The first is in the instructions for each section.  They cannot be turned off, so you have to find and click the “X” in the dialogue box the first time you use a feature each visit.  If you flip between features without exiting the program, you will not have to repeat this step.   I hope that this is corrected in future versions.   When I first looked through the program, I found myself asking, “Is this all there is?” But honestly, I have no idea what I would add. Using the virtual pencil to write numbers is challenging for little fingers, but I count it as OT.  I do recommend this program for anyone looking for variety in their daily math instruction.  It is available in CD ROM or download for $19.95.  The download is fast, simple, and easy to use. During the month of February there is a buy one, get a second half-off sale.  It had to be, because I made it work.    Lakeshore’s website even has a Free Resources page that is loaded with material we have yet to fully explore.  It’s well worth your time to check it out!
 
Now comes the contest part.  If you leave a comment on this blog post, I will enter your name in a drawing for a free software download of your choice from LakeshoreLearning Material.   Share this drawing on your blog and I’ll give you a second entry.  You can get another entry by sharing the news on Facebook.  Send a link for each additional entry to writearby@gmail.com. The deadline for entries is Thursday, February 16, 2012, at 6:00 p.m. CST.  I will put all the names in a hat and draw a winner.  I will post the drawing results on Friday’s blog (the 17^th).

Good luck!