Take Your Time and Get It Right

If there is one aspect of homeschooling that all homeschoolers know but that never gets explained properly to the public it is the fact that home education is a lifestyle.   Homeschooling is not simply a block of time each day that is interchangeable with a brick-and-mortar school schedule.   Because of the level of dedication that a family must have for this lifestyle, I am always interested in reading why people choose to educate their children at home. 

Recently, I read Cindy’s blog.  Cindy writes at Get Along Home.  In a recent post titled, “Why Homeschool?” she answered that question.   I found her answer to be at once refreshingly honest and compelling reading, so I asked for and received permission to share her answer with you.  

She wrote:

My primary reason [for homeschooling] is simply this: I don’t want to live that way.

By “that way,” I mean the normal American lifestyle.  I don’t want to live a life of constant running. It’s always a rush between home, school, work, church, and social functions. We were not meant to live this way!

Each thing I do I rush through so I can do something else.

I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY!
My mom and dad worked 40-50 hours a week to keep a roof over our heads. I was thrown in with a group of other kids at a babysitter’s house all summer. During the school year, I was thrown into taxpayer-funded babysitting (aka public school) with a group of other kids. I was home at night to eat and sleep. On weekends, we searched for entertainment. On weekdays, I got up early and went to bed exhausted, empty. My parents barely had a word to say to me. How could they? We led separate lives! I had a “normal” childhood. It was a wasted childhood, spent among people I didn’t know, going places that I didn’t want to be, without ever a moment to breathe.

All the pointless bustling about from place to place kept me from ever really knowing my family. And it kept them from knowing me. Most importantly, it kept me from knowing God. Church was just another place we had to hurry to get to. My parents were just the people who made me go there. God was just something you do when you aren’t doing something else.

I don’t want to live that way, and I really, really don’t want my kids to live that way. So that’s why we homeschool, in a nutshell: so we can take our time and get it right.

There is nothing that I can add that says more than Cindy’s last sentence, but it is worth repeating.  In regards to raising her children, she homeschools, “so we can take our time and get it right.”

If you would like to share your reasons for homeschooling, feel free to contact us at writearby@gmail.com.  We’d love to read your story!

Top 10 Reasons Why I Homeschool

"Why did you decide to homeschool?"

It's not an unusual question.  In fact, if I've answered it once in the last 20 years, I've answered it dozens of times!  I'm sure you won't find it hard to believe that I have a few reasons "at-the-ready" for when I'm asked this question!  In a somewhat controversial post last week I provided an explanation of my 20-year old vow to never send my children to public school.  The post evoked a bit of emotional discussion from both sides of the debate.

On a somewhat lighter note, I'd like to share a few more points that help to explain my decision to homeschool.  I first posted my Top 10 Reasons Why I Homeschool nearly 3 years ago.  My reasons haven't changed.   Enjoy!

The Top 10 Reasons Why I Homeschool

• Pajamas are less expensive than school clothes.

• Not all kids can color in the lines for 3 hours at the age of 5 1/2

• The lines are shorter at Disney World in early October when all the other kids are in school.

• I want to be the one to experience the joy of teaching my child to read and to watch the joy on his face when he reads his first chapter book!

• Kids need socialization that doesn't involve being made fun of for wearing the wrong shoes to school.

• Kids are allowed to pray and sing "Away in a Manger" and "Joy to the World" in my school.

• Learning is more effective when the student/teacher ratio is 1:1 than when it's 25:1.

• No one is better equipped to teach my child than the person who knows him better than anyone...me!

• I like my kids and I want to be with them all day!

And the #1 Reason I homeschool my kids is......

• Homeschooling WORKS!!

Even When Licensed and Certified, a Cougar is Still a Cougar

The Drudge Report, The Spartanburg Herald-Times online edition GoUpstate.com, and WYFF4.com are all reporting that two South Carolina teachers have been arrested on suspicion of hosting parties last summer where they provided sex, drugs, and alcohol to students aged 11 and up.   Forty-two year old Sarah Jane Lindsay was a 4K teacher at Boiling Springs Elementary School in Boiling Springs, South Carolina, while 44-year-old party co-host Audrey Beidleman Grabarkiewicz taught preschool at Lake Bowen Baptist Church in Inman, South Carolina.  Both women have been arrested after a lengthy investigation conducted by Spartanburg County Sherriff’s Deputies.   Neither woman is currently employed.  The Lake Bowen Baptist Church fired Audrey Grabarkiewicz and Sarah Jane resigned from Boiling Springs Elementary school.  The church’s website has no mention of their recently fired teacher.  Boiling Springs Elementary’s website has been scrubbed of any mention of their former teacher, but retains its banner proclaiming "Discover Your Treasure...Learning is an adventure at BSES.” I bet it’s an adventure.  I hear their summer school program is a hoot, too.  There is no mention of the allegations on either website, but why should there be?  

This is much ado about nothing.

I might understand the national coverage of this local community problem if these women provided sex, drugs, and alcohol to all of the children in their school, or in their respective classes, but the truth is they did not.  They provided sex, drugs, and alcohol to some students.  A select few.  And since none of the students were from either of these teacher's classrooms, what’s the big deal?  Audrey Beidleman Grabarkiewicz was only charged with 10 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.  She had sex with teenagers who were over the age of 16.  In South Carolina, 16 is the age of consent.   What's wrong with a little cougar action?  No problems there.   Sarah Jane Lindsay has a slightly bigger legal problem, which explains why her $50,000 bond was twice the amount levied on Ms. Grabarkiewicz.  Sarah was charged with nine counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor as well as criminal sexual conduct with a minor between the ages of 11 and 14 years of age.  

Ouch.

Now, no one should overreact to the alleged activities.  We must remember some salient facts.  Neither woman engaged in these activities with their students.  The incidents did not take place on either school or church property.  Their own teenaged children were not involved.  They allegedly provided sex, drugs, and alcohol to some students aged 11 years old and older.  We cannot forget that both of these women are innocent of committing the charges brought against them until they are proven guilty by the state of South Carolina.  I’m not even certain why Ms. Lindsay resigned from her position.  Her 4k students were safe under her care.

Under no circumstances can we allow ourselves to believe that this incident reflects poorly on Boiling Springs public schools or the teachers and staff that work there.  This is an isolated incident that took place off of school grounds by a now former teacher in the privacy of her home.    This really should be a private matter between these women and their husbands.  If a house of worship can experience an incident such as the one that allegedly took place, it can happen anywhere.  In no way does this reflect poorly on public schooling.

Right?

The Modifier Mandate

I would like to apply the Modifier Mandate to California State University Northbridge’s (CSUN) school newspaper, the Daily Sundial, and their recent online article “Homeschool isn’t the same as school.”  The Modifier Mandate is simple: All strong opinions should be qualified in order to protect the feelings of people who might be offended.  It was developed from the comments left from a reader of this blog who was insulted by what was perceived as a blanket condemnation of public school teachers in a previous post.   For example, it is wrong to state that “schools are places where creativity and independent learning are stifled in exchange for teaching-to-the-test.”  Applying the Modifier Mandate to this statement, it is correct to write that some “schools are places where creativity and independent learning are stifled in exchange for teaching-to-the-test.”   The Modifier Mandate calls for fairness, and is consistent with modern teaching models where feelings are more important for academic achievement than is accuracy or facts. (1) 

It is important to note that the authors of the Daily Sundial essay felt no need to qualify any of their statements concerning homeschooling, homeschoolers, or their parents. Homeschool critics rarely, if ever, acknowledge the successes of or benefits from homeschooling. It is clear from reading the article that homeschooling parents do not have the “credential” to teach their children.  Apparently, there is only one.  Homeschooling “does not allow a child to learn and practice social behaviors and cope outside of the home with others their age.”  The absence of any qualifiers means that all homeschooling parents lack the proper credentials to teach their own children, and there are no homeschools that provide a proper socialization experience for students.   Give the authors credit where credit is due, they took a strong stance and argued for it.

Applying the Modifier Mandate to this article, several important changes are needed. 

Instead of writing that homeschooling “does not allow a child to learn and practice social behaviors and cope outside of the home with others their age,” the authors should have written that some homeschooling “does not allow a child to learn and practice social behaviors and cope outside of the home with others their age.”  To be fair, the reclusive, hermit homeschooling community remains fairly isolated from society.  Oh, they make up .0000000001 percent of homeschoolers, given that the vast majority of homeschooled children participate in activities outside of the home where they come into contact with their public schooled brethren, but the hermits should be mentioned.   

Instead of writing that “homeschooled students only interact with their parents and/or siblings that they see on a day to day basis,” the authors should have written that some “homeschooled students only interact with their parents and/or siblings that they see on a day to day basis.”   

The Modifier Mandate must also be applied to arguments made in favor of public education over home education.   The authors should have written that some “public schools provide qualified teachers, suitable learning facilities and proper social interactions between students.”  You cannot honestly argue that the Oceanside, California, school district provided a qualified teacher to students when they allowed illiterate teacher John Corcoran to teach for 17 years. (2)  You cannot honestly argue that all school districts provide “proper social interactions between students” when the Toronto District School Board of Education and the Canadian Centre for Addiction and Mental Health reported that “33 per cent [of students] say they've been sexually harassed in the past two years; another 29 admit to having been touched or grabbed inappropriately and seven per cent have actually been victims of a major sexual assault.” (3)  The intellectual honesty that one reader believed was lacking from this blog’s last post demands that we cannot even suggest that all schools provide a safe learning environment while ignoring the improper social interactions between students and teachers as documented by the World Net Daily list of the 200+ teachers who have sexually assaulted students. (4)

Homeschooling critics like to argue that no matter how bad public schools can be, with unqualified teachers, teacher on student assaults, student on student assaults, and the all of the other problems that occur in our nation’s schools, public schools are still a better option.  They play the odds, believing that these situations are rare.  They are the exception to the rule.  I say that is like playing Russian Roulette.  You can load the gun with one bullet, spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger with good odds that you will survive the experience.  You can enroll your children in public school with good odds that they will survive the experience without harm.  They probably will.  But for those parents who do not wish to play Russian Roulette with their children’s lives, homeshooling is the preferred option.  There are no qualifiers where the health and safety of my children is concerned. 

I will not budge an inch from my defense of home education as long as there are people making unfounded, ignorant, blanket statements such as the ones written in the Daily Sundial editorial without a shred of research, evidence beyond personal anecdote, or the intellectual honesty to acknowledge that homeschooling is successful in the vast majority of circumstances. (5)  Give Linda credit in her last blog post, she documented her writing.  Her sources are available for anyone to read, support, or refute.  It is long past the time for public educators to admit the failures of the public school system and acknowledge that homeschooling works!

1 http://www.eagleforum.org/educate/1999/oct99/math.html

2 http://www.10news.com/news/15274005/detail.html

3 http://www.citytv.com/toronto/citynews/news/local/article/20851--girls-accepting-sexual-assault-at-school-as-fact-of-life-reports

4 http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=39783

5 http://www.hslda.org/docs/study/ray2009/default.asp

Why NOT Public School?

A couple of years ago, while engaged in a conversation with a fellow homeschooler, I made a fairly extreme declaration:

"I would never send my children to public school."

A day or two later, this fellow homeschooler called me and challenged my statement.

"Why would you say something so extreme? You don't really mean that, do you?"

In fact, I do mean it.

I acknowledge that this position is extreme. Parents decide to teach their children at home for a multitude of reasons. Many of these are more proactive than defensive. While I agree with many of the proactive reasons, for me they are all secondary. The main reason I homeschool my own children is defensive…I don’t want them in public school. I am a certified teacher and my arguments against public schools are based on experience and observations from more than 20 years of association with and involvement in public schools. I began to recognize many of these issues early on in my teaching career…some even before I graduated from college! And the problems I began to observe more than 20 years ago have only gotten worse in the years since.

So, the question remains: Why would I say something so extreme?

• Schools are institutions designed to educate the masses. They are not designed to meet either the emotional or academic needs of the individual. As such, they will most effectively reach "the average" student, often missing the needs of the lowest and highest performing children.

• Schools are places where values such as tolerance, acceptance, self-esteem, diversity, and relativism are esteemed more highly than academic excellence. Ironically, the tolerance and acceptance so tenaciously advocated is often not objectively practiced by its most vocal proponents.

• Schools are places where a dangerous brand of socialization is valued. This brand of socialization insists that children are capable of preparing each other to be meaningful, productive members of society. This brand of socialization argues that being bullied, ostracized, and laughed at is a necessary part of the socialization process. (How else will your children learn to get along in the world?) This brand of socialization exalts rudeness and vulgarity over civility and decency. It values disorder and chaos over discipline and self-control. This brand of socialization favors the popular, the attractive, and the likable, creating a social hierarchy which diminishes the value of those who don’t “measure up”. Ironically, in a place intended for learning, this brand of socialization often values academic mediocrity over academic excellence. In other words, in school it’s often considered "not cool" to be smart.

• Schools are places where government bureaucracy and union mentality prevent good teachers from being rewarded for being good teachers.[1] This same system keeps bad teachers from being penalized for being bad teachers and could even prevent dangerous teachers from being removed from the classroom.[2] And to add insult to injury, schools are places where parents often have no say in who teaches their children. The NEA (and the politicians whom they control) stubbornly refuse to create a system which would provide parents with their choice of schools—a system which would inevitably result in improvements to our schools and a better education for all our children.[3][4]

• Schools are places where curriculum rich in revisionist history, humanism, environmental indoctrination, multiculturalism, and liberalism is often taught by teachers who share a similar agenda. Current “feel-good” teaching methods often stress self-esteem over academic excellence.[5]  In much of today’s curriculum, activities which promote “teamwork” and “cooperation” are more highly esteemed than activities which encourage a strong academic foundation.

• Schools are places where creativity and independent learning are stifled in exchange for "teaching-to-the-test". Performance is judged by standardization rather than by the presence of inquisitiveness, curiosity and wonder.

I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point.

It was 1985. I was a newly married college graduate, recently certified and looking for a teaching job. I was reading a book, Child Abuse in the Classroom, by Phyllis Schlafly, which presented startling evidence of the existence of many of the issues which I have just addressed. I looked at my husband of just a few months and said,  

"I will never send my children to public school."

And I haven’t.

---

[1] http://www.realclearpolitics.com/Commentary/com-2_22_06_JS.html
[2] http://teachersunionexposed.com/protecting.cfm
[3] http://www.mackinac.org/3298
[4] http://www.teachersunionexposed.com/blocking.cfm
[5] http://www.unc.edu/cr/features/books/stout-the-feel-good-curriculum.html

"Oh, Really?"—How I Became An Apologist

Shortly after my oldest daughter completed her second semester in college, a friend who happens to be a retired public school teacher and administrator, asked me a simple question. I'd been homeschooling for 17 years by this time, but this single conversation was a major turning point for me.

Over the years since I first began my homeschool journey, I have had dozens of conversations with people about homeschooling, and more specifically, about my decision to homeschool my children. Occasionally, though not often enough, I have felt free to express my views with complete honesty. Often—in fact, all too often—I have felt compelled to "tone down" my comments so as not to offend the listener.

Well, on this particular day, all that changed. Tom asked, "So how was Darcy's first year in college?"  I answered quickly, failing to recognize the underlying question. "She did GREAT!"  He continued, "Darcy's been homeschooled since kindergarten, right? How well did she do keeping up with her classmates?" Now the question being asked "between the lines" was being heard loud and clear!

"Was your daughter, educated at home by her mother, really able to keep up with students who have been taught by well-trained, highly-specialized teachers?"

That was all it took.  My defenses were up and I was ready to fire.  I proceeded to explain to Tom just how well Darcy was doing in school.

"Thanks for asking, Tom. Darcy's doing great. She was invited to join the Honors program at Northern, and during her first year managed to achieve a 4.0 grade point average, despite having a schedule crammed with Honors classes. In fact, she recently explained her thoughts on WHY she has done so much better that most of her honors program peers. 'Mom, I don't think I'm smarter than the rest of the kids in my classes, I just think that I've been taught how to study and to learn so much more effectively than they have. They just don't seem to know how to learn.' "

Tom replied with an inkling of an attitude,  

"You do know that you're talking to a public school educator, right?"

Oh, Really?

In that single moment, I decided never to worry about offending again. All of a sudden it dawned on me that in our compulsory education driven society, it was absolutely fine for Tom to ask me questions that might offend me! But he made it perfectly clear that it was NOT fine to voice opinions which offend the politically correct institution of public education. Over the years I have been asked SO MANY questions that have offended me, and for the first time in nearly 17 years, I decided that it was time to tell the truth...no matter who it offended.

"Yes, I know you're an educator, Tom, but that doesn't change the truth. You asked a question and I answered it—truthfully. Darcy was incredibly well-prepared for her college academic experience by her homeschool education. In fact, her experience seems to suggest that she was much better prepared than many of her "traditionally" schooled peers."

So, homeschoolers, despite evidence that shows overwhelmingly that home educated students do better than their publically-schooled peers in almost every measurable area, it would seem that we are the only ones who have to be careful not to offend. Evidently we are NOT free to question the cultural norm or offend those who so fiercely defend it.

Oh, really??

Reflective Practice

During the 1999-2001school years, I was a member of a state of Missouri Performance Based Teacher Evaluation pilot program.   The program was designed to improve the process of teacher evaluation by requiring teachers to develop a professional portfolio documenting their best practices in the classroom in a variety of categories.  I participated in the program only because the administration at the school where I taught was distributing extra-curricular activities assignments, and I really did not want to be the freshman girl’s cheerleading coach.  The only other option presented to me was participation in a new evaluation program.  I silently accepted option “B,” and immediately tossed the portfolio on a shelf for three months, blowing off the dust and completing the project only when I saw the deadline approaching.  I kept secret my disdain for the program and my real reason for participating from the assistant principal conducting my review until she pulled me out of the audience at a state teacher’s convention break-out session at a resort in the Lake of the Ozarks and placed me on a panel with several superintendants, principals, and assistant principals fielding questions about the new program.  I had attended the convention at her invitation without realizing that she wanted me there to sit on the panel.  I was quickly flooded with questions from the audience for two reasons.   I was one of only two teachers on the panel with real-life classroom experience completing the new portfolio, and I was the only person speaking about the program with both blunt honesty and humor.   It was in front of the crowd where I admitted to the audience why I started the program, how I completed the portfolio, and what I learned throughout the process.  I discovered two things while answering those questions.  The large amount of reflective practice that I put into developing that portfolio showed me that I was a better teacher than I ever gave myself credit for being.  That was an important lesson for me to learn.  It translated into improved performance in the classroom.  The second thing I learned is that my assistant principal had a great sense of humor.

The purpose of reflective practice is to encourage people to think about and learn from experiences in order to improve performance in a given task.  In theory, reflective practice is not supposed to be a solitary event.  It is most effective when engaged in with another person, preferably a person with more experience.  In a mentoring relationship, we engage in discussion with a trusted friend who can listen to our ideas, offer insights into our practices, and share their successes and failures to help us improve our performance.   Reflective practice is the ideal behind a homeschooling support group, a time of meeting where home educating parents can seek friendship, assistance, and advice from other homeschooling parents.   A homeschool support group is a teacher’s professional development time for the homeschooling community. 

In reality, I believe most stay-at-home homeschooling parents operate in a solitary environment.  We spend time alone in our thoughts, wondering whether or not the decisions we made were good, effective choices.  We wonder if we made the right curriculum choices.  We wonder whether or not our children are learning everything that they need to know.  We ask ourselves if we are being too harsh, too lenient, or too demanding on our children.   Sometimes we wonder if we should be homeschooling at all.  The first four of those five questions are good questions to ask of ourselves, but they produce better answers if they are addressed with another person. 

Homeschooling can be a busy lifestyle, leaving parents little quiet time to remember our own names, let alone gather and process our thoughts.   The little free time that we have gets split between a spouse, friends, pursuing hobbies, and tending to our own spiritual needs.  How much time do you invest in analyzing the effects of both your educational and parental decisions?  Often the two are inseparable.  How often do you ask yourself, “What worked well today?   What went wrong today?  What can be done differently in the future?”   More importantly, with whom do you ask these questions?

What is your level of reflective practice?