Friday, February 18, 2011

Sit Your Skinny Little Butt Down!

As Wisconsin teachers demonstrate that their jobs are not all about the kids, but all about union negotiated pay and benefits packages (go ahead, Linda, and post that union article you wrote), the Anaheim Union School district in sunny southern California is using GPS tracking technology to help teach chronically truant students to get to school on time.  The entire program costs $18,000, and appears to be covered by a state grant.*  A California state grant.  California.  The state that is 26.6 BILLION dollars in the red is handing out grants for GPS technology to help kids get to school. I don't use technology to get my homeschooled children to school.  My system is really simple.  I wake them up.  Walla!  Perfect attendance!  

I must admit that sometimes it is difficult to get the little heathens situated and working on a lesson, but I have several techniques to address that issue.  I might look at my eight-year-old son and say something like,
“Get your skinny little butt on a chair at the kitchen table and start conjugating your verbs!”
If that doesn’t work, I might try,
“Don’t make me interrupt writing this blog post to help you calculate 9 + 7.  You know what 9 + 7 equals!”
Sometimes I have to get forceful by calling out,
“You’d best have that paramecium drawn by the time I come in there to top off my cup of coffee or there will be hell to pay!”

My father always said that there’d be hell to pay.  I never did figure out how much money that was, but it sounds good when you say it, and usually makes Major Havoc’s eyes bulge out before he breaks into the giggles. 

"Oh, dad, you're joking!  Right?"
All I have to do to get my teenager to school on time is to send his little sister into his room to jump on him until he climbs out of bed.  Once in awhile I have to pull out the big guns and tell him that he won’t go camping with his Boy Scout Troop if his schoolwork isn’t completed.  That’s usually sufficient motivation.  At least it has been since the last time he missed a campout because his math wasn’t finished.
The girl?  Well, she’s six.  And a squirt.  I just throw her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, carry her to the kitchen and plunk her onto a chair.  If she squirms I use duct tape.
It sure would be swell if the state of Kansas gave me an $18,000 grant to get my children to school on time.  Unfortunately for me, I’m quite adept at getting my children to school.  It’s called parenting.  And guess what?  It’s free!

*It was brought to my attention that I erroneously reported the program to have cost $18,000 per pupil.  It appears to have cost $18,000 in total.  I still stand by all my points concerning California’s budget and the silliness of spending taxpayer money on something that is a parent’s responsibility. 


  1. Id like to try some of this "parenting" you speak of. It sounds like fun!!! :)

    So.... Im guessing this isnt a joke? Insane!!!

  2. "You've got five minutes to make your bed, get dressed and to the kitchen table, or the video games are gone for the day," works really well.

    Or the younger two boys like to use Herogian's electronic animal soundbox on 'rabbit in distress' to get him out of bed.

  3. LOL @ your creative parenting techniques...a light side to an otherwise very distressing (depressing) story.

    I have much to say (do I ever NOT?!?)...but not enough time to say it at the moment.

    Yes, I will be posting the union article soon. Seems like a good time for it, eh?

    But in the meantime, here's a little tidbit I learned this morning...those Milwaukee teachers that "called in sick"...their average annual compensation tops $100,000!!! These people need to sit their skinny (or fat) butts down and get to work.


    That. is. all.

    For now. :-)

  4. Love it! I often use the technique of sending in the little sister to jump on the bed :o)

  5. I do not understand why teachers persist in thinking they are underpaid - $100K for 8 months of work? I'm crying. Haven't they heard unemployment is ridiculously high? How about being grateful they even HAVE jobs?

    Why do we put teachers on such high pedestals anyway? I can think of a few reasons, but I'm pretty sure it's Oprah's fault....