97TH GENERAL ASSEMBLY
State of Illinois
2011 and 2012SB0136
Suggested to be Introduced by Sen. Edward D. Maloney
SYNOPSIS AS INTRODUCED:
105 ILCS 5/2-3.25o
105 ILCS 5/26-1 from Ch. 122, par. 26-1
Amends the School Code. Requires the parents or legal guardians of children attending public schools, a defined term, to demonstrate that they know what in blazes is going in their children’s lives.
A BILL FOR
SB0136 LRB097 02721 NHT 42742 b
1. An act concerning education.
Be it enacted by the People of the State of Illinois, represented in the General Assembly:
A Demonstration of a basic awareness of WTF is going on in their children’s lives.
(a) Findings. The General Assembly finds and declares that frequently parents of children attending public schools lack a basic knowledge of where their children go and what they do each day, such as the name of their child’s teacher or the classroom number where their child spends six hours each weekday.
Parents should be able to answer basic questions such as:
1. How old is your child?
2. What is the name of your child’s school?
3. Where is it located?
4. What is your child’s grade level?
5. What is your child’s teacher’s name?
6. Can your child add?
8. Can your child subtract?
9. See question #7
10. Question #7 comes before question #8 and after question #6.
11. The “#” symbol means “number.”
12. What is your child’s cell phone number?
13. How many naked pictures has your daughter taken of herself and texted to her boyfriend’s cell phone?
14. Any other questions as deemed appropriate by
(b) Homeschooling families, by definition, know the answers to the questions enumerated above, as well as Latin, the theory of relativity, and how to make some really excellent apple pies with some pretty darn flakey crusts, and are exempt from the requirements of this bill.
This should give Truant Officer Bill Reynolds something to knock on doors and talk about. He can assume that parents of public school students who do not wish to answer his questions are in violation of the law, criminally stupid, or just plain clueless, and take appropriate action as he sees fit.
Feel free to add your thoughts to this bill.