A Suggested Revision to Illinois SB 136

I spend a lot of time each day sitting in the main office at Apathy Elementary School, waiting for Captain Chaos to complete her therapy services. This gives me the opportunity to observe parents as they arrive at school to pick-up a child and take them to doctors appointments, dentist appointments, the hair salon, and to their non-custodial parent’s house. I have been shocked by the number of parents who cannot tell the receptionist the name of their child’s teacher, their room number, and in a few instances, their child’s grade level. In the interest of fairness, and passing legislation that might make a difference, I suggest that Illinois Senator Edward “I’m full of boloney” Maloney submit the following bill for consideration:

97TH GENERAL ASSEMBLY

State of Illinois

2011 and 2012SB0136

Suggested to be Introduced by Sen. Edward D. Maloney

SYNOPSIS AS INTRODUCED:

105 ILCS 5/2-3.25o

105 ILCS 5/26-1 from Ch. 122, par. 26-1

Amends the School Code. Requires the parents or legal guardians of children attending public schools, a defined term, to demonstrate that they know what in blazes is going in their children’s lives.

A BILL FOR

SB0136 LRB097 02721 NHT 42742 b

1. An act concerning education.

Be it enacted by the People of the State of Illinois, represented in the General Assembly:

A Demonstration of a basic awareness of WTF is going on in their children’s lives.

(a) Findings. The General Assembly finds and declares that frequently parents of children attending public schools lack a basic knowledge of where their children go and what they do each day, such as the name of their child’s teacher or the classroom number where their child spends six hours each weekday.

Parents should be able to answer basic questions such as:

1. How old is your child?

2. What is the name of your child’s school?

3. Where is it located?

4. What is your child’s grade level?

5. What is your child’s teacher’s name?

6. Can your child add?

7. Correctly?

8. Can your child subtract?

9. See question #7

10. Question #7 comes before question #8 and after question #6.

11. The “#” symbol means “number.”

12. What is your child’s cell phone number?

13. How many naked pictures has your daughter taken of herself and texted to her boyfriend’s cell phone?

14. Any other questions as deemed appropriate by the Department of Education, a competent government agency, the average six-year-old homeschooled child.

(b) Homeschooling families, by definition, know the answers to the questions enumerated above, as well as Latin, the theory of relativity, and how to make some really excellent apple pies with some pretty darn flakey crusts, and are exempt from the requirements of this bill.



This should give Truant Officer Bill Reynolds something to knock on doors and talk about. He can assume that parents of public school students who do not wish to answer his questions are in violation of the law, criminally stupid, or just plain clueless, and take appropriate action as he sees fit.

Feel free to add your thoughts to this bill.

Illinois SB136: Pointless Regulation for Illinois Homeschoolers (UPDATED)

Here in Illinois, we're currently involved in a battle to retain our rights to homeschool our children without interference from the state.  True to form, an Illinois politician is proposing a law to solve a problem that may not even be a problem to begin with.  If passed, this law would require all homeschoolers to register with local authorities and/or the state board of education.  The original proposal was withdrawn because it also included language which required all non-public students to be registered.  According to Illinois Review, Illinois Senator Ed Maloney (sponsor of SB 136) stated last week that "...we're not going for the private school students, we're going to change that [in the proposal].  What we want to know is where the homeschoolers are.  It's as simple as that." 

Evidently, Mr. Maloney, which ironically rhymes with bologne, is concerned with the lack of regulation of homeschoolers in Illinois.  Though he doesn't seem to have much evidence that a  widespread problem exists, he  still believes his proposed law holds the key to ensuring that Illinois' homeschooled children receive a quality education.    In an outstanding editorial, "Homeschoolers Not the Problem," the SouthTown Star, quotes Mr. Maloney,

“There are virtually no regulations on homeschools. No curriculum, no periodic checks on their progress.  We want more accountability.”  (emphasis mine)

As the SouthTown Star article effectively points out, Mr. Maloney seems to forget that large numbers of students currently receiving a regulated, state-administered education are not doing all that well. 

In an interview this morning with Cisco Cotto on a popular Chicago radio station (transcript available here,) Senator Maloney displayed both his ignorance and his bias.  When questioned about his financial ties to the Unions, he also displayed a propensity toward bending the truth as this record clearly indicates.  But what else would you expect from a liberal, big-government politician from Chicago? 

Illinois has been a holdout in terms of homeschool regulation. Laws currently on the books here in Illinois place standards and requirements on homeschoolers, with the burden of proof being placed on the homeschooler to prove his compliance if challenged. This law would be a huge, and ominous change for homeschoolers in Illinois. Give the government an inch and they'll end up taking a mile.. 

UPDATED POST HEARING: From ICHE:

"The hearing is over and Senator Maloney is not planning to withdraw SB 136. Looks like it may be a long battle. Even though the Education Committee chairman kept referring back to registration, things like testing and curriculum approval and, and, and, . . kept coming up. One truant officer said that if they knew where we all were they could check on us and "help" us. Hmmm. . . ."

Discouraging.

We will continue to fight.